I can’t even begin to tell you how many crushes I developed last night. So many! You know all of those gorgeous people in the new Destination Calgary video? Yeah, hot babes and dudes, to be sure. But they have nothing on the visitors we are hosting for the next few weeks, the cast of Cirque du Soleil’s show Amaluna.

It was a privilege to be invited to the opening night, and I brought my Ma along as my date. (Quick aside… you want rock star treatment? Bring along with you an old lady who needs a wheelchair over distances. Bam! That guy from that rock band—you know, the one that sings in the falsetto voice and all the girls love?—doesn’t get the treatment of his own personal usher.) This truly is an amazing show.

Now, I’m not going to be the guy who ruins it for you, but when you go, you’re in for some wicked fun and cool things. If I were to even describe them, you’d be all, “I don’t get it.” That’s because I’m not a real writer, and I can’t really explain things like I saw last night. I’ll leave that to real writers who get paid for it. But there’s water, and there’s fire, and there’s balancing of people and things, and other people walking on slackwire (I think it’s slackwire), and some dude who can climb up a 30 foot pole with his hands easier than I can walk across the street. And a lady named Lara Jacobs who taught me on Twitter how to do the spoon thing you see to the right (her rendition is decidedly more impressive…trust me, you’ll talk about it to the people at the office).

This next part is for the guys, so you girls just go on to the next paragraph. Dudes. Holy hot women, like, everywhere. See, so you take a date or your girlfriend or your wife to the show, and they’ll love it, because it’s amazing. And you’ll love it, because it’s amazing. But you also get to see some of the most unbearably athletic women you’ve ever seen in your life. From the bendy girl in the enormous soup bowl to the stunning woman in the white dress (who I caught some eye contact with, and I think we had a moment), they’re all just so fabulous. But hold your girl’s hand, so she knows you still really want her and not the women hanging onto tie downs and flying around the Grand Chapiteau at 20km/h.

Right! So we just talked some man talk up there. Engines and football and such. We can continue on now.

Attending Cirque isn’t cheap, but there’s just no question of value for the money. If you like to be amazed and entertained that is. If you don’t like that, I don’t know what to tell you. But for the rest, frankly, there isn’t a bad seat in the house. Some are better than others, of course, but there’s not one where you’d think “meh”. Not one.

Performances run pretty much every night from

now until May 19 (except Mondays). (You know what that means…hot athletic out-of-towners at the bars on Sunday nights, y’all!) Tickets start at about $60. I poked around the schedule, and there’s plenty of good seats left even for larger groups, but you’re going to want to get them quick before the reviews go goofy about how great the show is and they sell out and you’re stuck watching Tim Ferriss balance stuff on the side of a glass instead of watching Lara display her beautiful relationship with gravity. Oh, and you’ll miss the wet girl in the big goblet.

You’ll get all the deets you could possibly need by visiting Cirque Du Soleil’s website.

For those among you who are Twitterers, there’s at least a handful of Amaluna’s talented performers on there, so be sure to follow and make them feel welcome while they’re visiting our city. Check out Lara Jacobs, Viktor Kee, Amy McClendon, Rachael Wood, and Angela Johnson-Swan.